I can run swiftly and silent...
I can run swiftly and silently when you want me to stay still, I can move slowly and cautiously and am yours to fill. You look at me often and yet you always forget me, I am the most feared killer, yet you can't live without me. Sometimes you have me for all to spare, Yet when you need me, I am not there. You can waste me, or cherish me, you choose the track, But once you're done you can never get me back. What is it?
That Darn Cat
A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing.
As we was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.
At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there.
Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"