My dress is tranquil when I ...
My dress is tranquil when I tread the earth, or dwell at home, or drift on the water. Sometimes my wings and this wide sky lift me over the dwellings of men, and then strong clouds carry me over the people. My ornaments echo loudly and melodiously, Illustriously sing when I am not near the earth and stream, a sailing spirit. What am I?
Toilet Paper
A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper.
"Pardon me, sir," she says to the store manager, "but can you explain the differences in all these toilet papers?"
"Well," he replies pointing out one brand, "this is as soft as a baby's kiss. It's $1.50 per roll."
He grabs another and says, "This is nice and soft as a bunny, strong but gentle, and it's $1.00 a roll."
Pointing to the bottom shelf he tells her, "We call that our No Name brand, and it's 20 cents per roll."
"Give me the No Name," she says.
She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says, "Hey! I've got a name for your No Name toilet paper. I call it John Wayne."
"Why?" he asks.
"Because it's rough, it's tough and it don't take crap off anybody!"