Of no use to one Yet absolut...
Of no use to one Yet absolute bliss to two. The small boy gets it for nothing. The young man has to lie for it. The old man has to buy it. The baby's right, The lover's privilege, The hypocrite's mask. To the young girl, faith; To the married woman, hope; To the old maid, charity. What am I?
10 funny one-liners from North West comedians
"I think animal testing is a terrible idea - they get all nervous and give the wrong answers." - Peter Kay
"A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals." - Peter Kay
"So this bloke says to me, 'Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?' I thought, "'That's all I need - a Je-hoover's witness.'" - Peter Kay
"So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, I thought, 'That's a turtle disaster.'- Peter Kay
"We've had to get a live-in nanny, 'cos that dead one wasn't working out." - Lee Mack
"I’m in a relationship at the moment. Sorry girls... it’s going to have to be your place." - Lee Mack
"I went to see a handwriting expert last week, she could tell I was laid-back, gullible and well-off just from a signature on a cheque." - Lee Mack
"I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it." - Ken Dodd
"My Dad always knew I was going to be a comedian. When I was a baby he said, 'Is this a joke?'" - Ken Dodd
"Five out of every three people have trouble understanding fractions." - Ken Dodd