What has ears but can't hear?

I’m from Texas.
I don’t sound like it – because I learned to read.”
~Usama Siddiquee

I’m polyamorous.
That means I love cats and dogs equally.”
~Mishka Shubaly

Once you reach age 35, you are not allowed to go on vacation alone.
It creeps everybody out.”
~Graham Kay

I might have kids someday. I don’t know.
Right now, I dont have time to come home and let them out.”
~Beth Stelling

My boyfriend and I just went to a destination wedding.
… Yeah, it was in Hell.”
~Katie Hannigan