You can have me but cannot hol...
You can have me but cannot hold me; Gain me and quickly lose me. If treated with care I can be great, And if betrayed I will break. What am I?
Why does Ariel wear seashells ... and few more new jokes
Daughter: "dad, why does Ariel wear seashells"
Dad: "because b-shells are too small and d-shells are too big"
A police officer just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs are chasing people on bikes.
That's ridiculous, because my dogs don't even own bikes.
In the past, your last name often reflected your profession.
Tailors - taylor, Blacksmith - Smith, ect.
So what the heck was a Dickinson?
Wife asked, "Can you get some bleach, washing powder and some shake and vac while you're out?"
"Can you not wait until you’ve opened your Birthday presents tomorrow?"
Had a look on a dating site. Possible match, similar interests, described herself as 5 ft 3 blue eyes, blonde hair…
Not sure I want to date someone with 3 blue eyes though!
I hate when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy.
It’s not like I did anything.