You have no control over me,...
You have no control over me, I am not real, though sometimes you believe me, I come back every night, but am often forgotten, Though left alone, I will never become rotten, Sometimes I remind you of things yet to come, Sometimes, watching me, you do things you've never done, I rarely ever turn out to be true, Now I am done with this riddle for you. What am I?
Winter Wit: Midweek Laughs to Warm You Up for Friday Fun with 31 jokes
Which one is faster: hot or cold?
Hot. You can catch a cold.
Why is the slippery ice like music?
If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!
What's an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
What do you call a snowman with abs?
An abdominal snowman.
How does a snowman get to work?
By icicle
What did the wool hat say to the scarf?
You hang around while I go on ahead.
What do snowmen win at the Olympics?
Cold medals!
How do polar bears make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
What do you call a snowman’s dog?
A slush puppy!
"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "Freeze." "Freeze who?"
"Freeze a jolly good fellow, freeze a jolly good fellow..."
"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "Icy." "Icy who?”
"Icy a long cold winter coming!"
"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "Snow." "Snow who?"
"Snowbody home."
What kind of math does a Snowy Owls like?
Owlgebra.
What did the ocean say to the bergy bits?
Nothing. It just waved.
(That's an old joke from the Ice Age.)
What sits on the bottom of the cold Arctic Ocean and shakes?
A nervous wreck.
Tip 1:
No matter how cold you are, DO NOT attempt to build a fire in a kayak! You can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Tip 2:
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
What food do you get when you cross a snowman with a wolf?
A brrrr-grrr.
What did the icy road say to the car?
“Want to go for a spin?”
Did you hear about the man buried alive under a sudden snowstorm?
He was feeling under the weather.
Why is Frosty never late?
Time waits for snow man.
What’s the scariest part of owing Santa money?
He snows where you live.
Where’s the warmest place in the South Pole?
On a map.
How did the snow globe feel after listening to a scary story?
A bit shaken up!
What do you call a snowman that plays piano?
Meltin’ John.
What do you call a snowman without a carrot?
Nobody nose.
I warned him about starting his own ski resort.
It’s a slippery slope
Who delivers the Christmas presents to baby sharks?
Santa Jaws
It was so cold outside that I saw a Greyhound bus, and the dog was riding on the inside.
Why is it hard to ski after a fresh snow?
With great powder comes great responsibility.
Did you hear about the politicians whose best speeches were outdoors in the winter?
He could really turn a freeze.